Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
