i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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