Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
