I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
