An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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