In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
