His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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