Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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