yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
