it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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