Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
