OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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