After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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