Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
