i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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