but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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