My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're like the curious george of whores
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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