Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
