Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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