I cut my penus on the lid.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
