my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
