i would punch a child for taco bell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
