Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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