capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
