Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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