Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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