Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
