Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
