so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
