Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
