If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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