How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
