I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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