I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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