is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
