He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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