I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
