so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
