Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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