No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
