Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
