dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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