This gyro tastes like lonliness
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
