I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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