Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry r_jj hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.

Fav 29 976 2931
share tweet
(979): View more from Texas

You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

(713): View more from Texas

When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

Fav 28 5823 1304
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(214): View more from Texas

She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.

Fav 7 2616 1162
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.

Fav 12 3227 1032
share tweet
(714): View more from California

You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.

Fav 15 3965 1045
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.

Fav 12 1980 1551
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

Fav 1 2362 1291
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.

Fav 2 29 59
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!

Fav 0 61 52
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT