Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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