i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
