She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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