dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
