i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
