I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
