so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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