love makes seman taste better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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